I Held So Many People in My Suitcase Heart

I haven't written in a while because, truthfully, I didn't really know what to write about. I keep thinking about the concept of home. I want to write about that. I wanted to say that Elle went home earlier in the week and I miss that option. In college, it wasn't difficult to get home for a weekend. Nowadays, I'm not sure what home is to me, so I can't determine travel time. Home is, I suppose, many things. Home is when I am with my family as well as with my friends. Home is Pittsburgh, where I am building a life that is my own (which is strange) and where I spent most of my time and where CLRG is. I think, when I say, "I'm home," I mean Pittsburgh. That's not to say, of course, that my hometown (is it my hometown if we don't live there at all anymore?) isn't a home. I know I am welcome there in many homes and many hearts and I love that. Home is just so tricky. I know some people don't really relate to that, but that's okay. For me, places that are home span the country.

And then home brings up the question of what to do for the holidays. I'm worried that my family will be separated at Christmas. I know that I would be welcome at CLRG's family's house and I would be welcome at my grandparents' house, but it's strange to think that I might not see my parents and sister if things don't work out, you know? The parents have to think about coming out for Pookie's graduation in May and they already had me come out last month and it just seems so complicated. So much more than it used to be. Why, oh why?

In happier news, this weekend is the anniversary of Elle and I meeting. We came out to the Burgh about a year ago to find this apartment and struck up a friendship that I know will last forever. I'm so glad I found such a good friend in her. I really don't know what I would do without you, Elle! Thanks for being so awesome.